It's 5am and I'm a mess. I feel like the worst mom in the world.
Let me give you a small background. Nathan has always had trouble falling to sleep on his own. I take full responsibility for the bad habits I created when he was newborn but take it easy on me, I'm a first time mother. We finally decided on the "cry it out" method about four months ago. I wasn't very consistent. Although we didn't suceed in him going to sleep on his own, he did start sleeping for longer periods of time. But here's the thing, I know he can go to sleep on his own because he has done it before. When he used to wake in the middle of the night, I would feed him, lay him down and he would go right to sleep. So what's the problem??? I don't have that answer.
Last weekend we decided we should try the cry it out again because he is getting older and he really needs to self soothe. This is night five or six and it still hasn't worked. I can't take it anymore. He woke up at 3am. I let him talk and whine for a while because it sounded promising that he would fall back to sleep. At a quarter to four I decided to go see what the problem was. When I go in there, he freaks out 10x more. I decide I should love on him for a second, lay him down and leave. Ten minutes later he is still crying LOUD. So I go in, lay hime down and he screams as if I have just taken a belt to his bum. So now I think "oh, what a good time to try something new" (remember, I'm a first time mom) and I lay him down, leave. He stands up and screams. I go lay him down and leave. We repeat this several times until his is screaming so loud and hard that I can't take it anymore. I go and give him to Cass. This is the point that I just melted down. Why doesn't this method work for him? Maybe this method isn't for everyone. I also noticed this week that Nathan has been so much more clingy towards me. Coincidence? I don't know. What I do know is that there seems to be no right or wrong answer. Even though he was falling a sleep to his bottle or a quick bounce, he was a happy child and sleeping for sometimes nine or ten hours in a row and for eleven or twelve hours total for the night. Now I wonder if I should wait until he's older. Would this be easier or harder? I'm thinking I could wait until he understands what I'm telling him and use a gradual approace (as seen on Nanny 911). Again, there seems to be no right or wrong answer.
What I do know is that once Cass got Nathan calm and relaxed, I came and layed with Nathan on the couch until he feel a sleep. Now he's in bed. I'm a mess. I feel terrible. I feel like I've been torturing my child for the last week and now he's going to hate me. It's 5am and I can't sleep. I just don't think I'm going to continue this sleep training method. I am going to do what works for us and quit worrying about it. IT IS NOT WORTH IT WHEN YOU HAVE NIGHTS LIKE THIS! To see Nathan as upset as he was last night breaks my heart into a million pieces and I wish I could take back that last hour we spent battling for him to go to sleep. All it took was five minutes of holding him. Is that so bad? I don't think so.
4 comments:
aww Traci, I hope you feel better! You're a great mom, don't worry, it's just hard!!! =) He will get better eventually. Hope tonight goes better for you! :)
Oh, poor baby, poor mommy! It IS hard, no matter what age they are or WHY they're crying. You need to do what works for you and what gets you both the most sleep. We're not good as mommies if we're cranky and tired the next day, so love him to sleep and worry about it later.
okay, I know that these comments are for all to see, but here is my philosophy. Don't listen to anyone, but yourself. Kyle and I practice the attachment parenting method, which some would say lets your baby rule the house, but we disagree. Basically, like your friend Heather says, do what gets you the most sleep. For us this means that Bronson is lulled to sleep in my arms and then goes to bed in his cradle next to my side of the bed until he wakes up and then snuggles with us. This gets me 10 hours of sleep a night with the least amount of interuptions and honestly I am not going to torture myself worrying about the fact that my son sleeps with us. We will deal with the "problem" when we need to. In the book that we read it says that if your baby is crying they have a need and a need to be held is a REAL NEED. Don't worry girl, you are doing great.
Hang in there, Trac. He will figure it out. You will figure it out. You are a good mom because he loves you and adores you. That's all that matters.
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